Unexpected! what you did to my heart!

This entry is here because it’s one of the best Saturday nights (ok, maybe one of the better Saturdays) I had in a long while. It started with transformers with Yue and Matt, movie was great and it was really nice to see mr moon after so long, pretty much the same I should say. After that, changed 2 times train to get to harbourfront to meet secret! Its been a long time since I last saw her, searched around the place for our stuff and proceeded to orchard to look at more sales stuff, raoul included. Up till now, it is only the boring part, what happens next is the fun part. Secret was supposed to go on a date with B, who I must say, can’t plan first dates properly. Can’t get seats, bringing unexpected friends whom secret doesn’t know along. Please if you’re a man, at least have the decency to inform if you’re bringing friends along on a first date! And if you can’t book the place, suggest another place, not get some lousy seats to share. Upon hearing that his friends were there, secret was a little hesitant, unsettled, was she to go and put herself through all that? The following sms changed her mind. It says, “I’m sharing table with my 2 friends, and they are trying to get another table for us.” That changed the situation, walking midway to the place, I asked, “do u still wanna go?” Silence followed. “If you don’t want, we could think of an excuse and walk away." She was tempted, the street outside ymca was empty. I could tell she didn’t want to go at all, so I said to her, “Say your friend has a problem and needs you to be there right this moment.” After a to and fro sms, I added, “Your friend is suicidal, she has tried before.” After trading a few more smses, he said, "No worries, I'll be there till late and if you're in the area, you could head down here." And so with that behind us, we headed to cathay where I saw someone familiar and called him, think he was there right after soccer as he was still in shorts, I think, the walkway was dark. We still hadn’t had dinner, so secret said, we can now eat! But because she and I ate some finger food at paragon beforehand, we weren’t that hungry, so we went to caramel, near the cathay to have some cakes and tea. And I must say their cakes and tea are not bad if you know how to choose them. I say this because secret doesn’t really know how to choose properly and chose weird stuff, which ended up being a flop. We sat and chatted for a very long time, catching up on the past stuff that I missed and about 11 we left caramel, I must say, it is quite a chill place, could do with a tv, though it wouldn’t fit into its theme. We left and walked around for a while contemplating the activities that await us. Checked out timings for midnight movies, after there weren’t any satisfactory timings for ghosts of girlfriends past, she decided to bring me to keppel bay for the scenery. Went home for car, drove to farrer road. I said “Holland v's around the area, wanna head there for desert?”. “2am desertbar!” “Guide me there!” I concluded. What a relaxing place, I could spend the night there man! The desert is seriously one of a kind, of course in a delicious manner! Maybe its us not knowing how to appreciate, but the pairing of the desert with the carmenere is a little weird. Like it doesn’t really bring much flavour to the desert, which was already quite flavourful. Chatted more till 2, and we decided to call it a night and head home, and my, she really stays quite in deep, rather inaccessible without a car. Driving with carmenere in you is rather exciting, as it’s my first time. But we haven’t been to keppel bay yet!

It has been great catching up, I felt honored that you stood someone up for the first time and went ahead to spend time with me. I must say, you look fabulous as ever, or ever better, I sure didn’t regret being fond of you. You know what you want in life, you know what to look out for in a man, you are knowledgeable, you can hold up intelligent conversations, you are beyond great! Most of all, you’re making me wanna fall for you again!

Time to go for a night run and head to camp kizuna tml!

last day!

Shall make an entry to mark the last day of work at ms, these few weeks, how should I say, at times, time seems to crawl by, especially when I’ve got nothing to do, but I need to say a big thank you to all those that chatted with me, that provided me the links to do online window shopping. Time seemed to pass by with a little more urgency when I have thing to look forward to. Those small things like sentosa, singing, birthdays, really appreciate them. Working here, you could say I had a slight insight into the working life of adults. It’s bloody boring! Life has no meaning. You go to work, go home, eat, watch tv and sleep and you go to work again. Meaningless! Yesterday, when sitting on the sofa watching tv, I thought to myself, will I want to be like that in the future, 6 years down the road. I thought, now I know why some people are so avant garde, they choose to live their life differently, like those in movies, run an inn by the sea per say. From where I stand, it seems almost heaven-like. But looks like I’ve no choice, gotta lead the mundane life that everyone I see at the 0750 train leads. They set a target, something to achieve, something that drives them, something like a first million, something like to retire in the maldives. But what if that something is so far away that you actually lose yourself in searching for it? Would you still go about the daily commute or take a different path? Or driven my other factors, you’ve no other options but to comply. I actually thought of like opening a beach shop, but even that requires capital, capital which u gotta work to raise. To work, is going through the above mentioned. It’s an intricate web, much like how the feds are printing money to buy their own bonds and pump into the system, which ultimately causes hyper-inflation at the rate they are going. In conclusion, everybody in this island starts off the same. To think I actually sat in front of the tv to think when I wanted to go walk orchard road, see how much it has change.
After the thinking session, I went to the comp(AGAIN!!after a day at it) to watch nights in rodanthe, I wanted to watch it last time, but as usual, couldn’t find the company to go. I must admit, I teared a little, because I know the feeling, when you think you’ve found someone, to look forward to, only to lose them in the end. It was really quite sad, seeing how both characters changed each other for the better, even though they spent wad little time there was in the beach inn. After the beach, they looked forward, they got their hopes up! Maybe I have something against getting hopes up too easily and have them dashed, shattered like the cup that I broke not too long ago.

I guess, that’s enough for this entry, done while listening to last entry’s song of the week, before and continuing into lunch, on my last day. I wana say special thanks to sarah, michelle, wenmin, ryu and the guys, who have made the period in ms great, otherwise, it’ll be grey.


Looking forward to camp!

Yesterday while swimming, I overheard part of a conversation that a father was having with his daughter.

Daughter: “…then I always cannot go out with my friends!”

Father: “Ok, Daddy promise you ok, I’ll work very hard…”

Continued swimming, and during the swim, I can’t help thinking of those two lines I heard, are they just empty promises or is the father really gonna work hard? When I was young, I had tones of empty promises, so much so that I’ve come not to expect too much from promises by adults, because they usually amount to naught. In other words, its, the higher the expectation, the harder the fall.

song of the week: 至少还有你 - 林忆莲

trip, draining and hurting

Life has been rather busy right now, so there’s less of blogging. Just to sum up the first 5 months of 2009, jan-apr, still stuck in camp, no life, don’t wana talk about it. April, ORD, never felt so relieved in my life, that I’m outta the shithole! ORD life has been great, kinda like a tai tai. Ha, morning exercise, the rest of the day to myself and tuition. May, Taiwan trip, great trip! Rated, 7/10. Those whom I already talked to, know where the 3 points have gone. Those that don’t know, nevermind. Came back from TW, reached singpore at 12pm. The next day report for work at MiSo. Tired. Work has been good, now still learning stage, so the workload not that great, but its rather dry and have to pretend to be busy due to some “eyes”. Xbox to play, free drink, and if OT free dinner, what’s not to love? Then came sundown marathon, the results, you can see it below. As per time of writing, the photos are not up yet, so no photos for your eyes. This marathon, was different, I knew I was running for the last few or even last, so I gave it all. But alas, I must say it was a very lonely run, along a few stretches, I almost wanted to give up, it was like I had nothing to run for. Step by step I went on, the people that i pass giving me more strength, till the finish line. Looked forward to the massage man, and I must say, it was every bit satisfying. Bathed at jouie’s golf club with nothing in hand, so it was rather airy, with only a towel and sweat laden fbts. Even so, I still made it to main road where everybody were still running past and chatted with the road marshal, who jouie and yl thought were older than us when she was in fact 2 years younger. Oh, the envious look of the passerby when they noticed the finisher tee, I could see it in their dreary eyes man. Didn’t know I had abrasion till I bathed and it wasn’t the satisfying feeling that I felt at the end of the run. And it was back to work the next day.

Rank : 66
Bib No. : 4154
Name : KERWIN TAN
Gun Time : 4:10:58.80

On to the topic that dtz requested, this is dedicated to you. So far, may and june has been rather kind to me, with the few that I just got to know, but one, just one event was enough to be the killjoy. Look, I know it didn’t work out, u said we still are, why then did u look away, even when its so obvious. Your tactic in stalling for time and ‘strolling’ down the escalator gave you away. I just wana know why, why the feign ignorance. Was it because I was with my mom? Or was it because you were with another guy, so it wasn’t convenient? How convenient. Do you know how that felt? My guess, you don’t! For if you do, you woudn’t have acted the way you did. It really hurts, but I’ll live.
DTZ, july is coming, please don’t be sad, look forward!

Song of the week: 最熟悉的陌生人 – 箫亚轩

Your head on shoulder, made me feel again, feel like I have a purpose.

10 minutes

Recently, I’ve been having weird dreams, and I now believe that the moment between waking up and sleeping, anything can be real. One morning, after waking up, still lazed in bed for another 10mins, had a little dream, and although its only 10, it felt very real, so much so that I woke up with tear streaks. What’s wrong man, 10mins of dream can do so much?

Doc, Help Please!

I was cleared by an orthopedic on 5th Jan that my knee pain is just ITB, it will go away with some simple stretching and warming up. And warm up and stretch i did on 10th Jan, but within meters from 2km, it acted up again, so much so that i really couldn't continue. However, the pain eased with sprinting, so i sprinted and after the session, i was barely walking.

Doctor, Please tell me I'm gonna run again. Kerwin without running is like Kerwin without his heart pumping. Who can jumpstart it? Only you!

lub-dub lub-dub

You know those nights where u lie on your bed unable to get to sleep? And then you turn to a side and in the quietness of it all, you hear your heart beating, lub-dub lub-dub. What if it stops, will you die or will you get a moment of happiness? How I wish it was the latter.

How did I fail to read it, fail to read that she’s just being herself, being too nice to say her thoughts right on the spot. I was shown the signs, and you know why I failed to read them? Because I let my feelings lead the way, let it lead me by the nose, ignoring all the signs, all the body language. Why did I let my feelings dominate? For a simple reason, I’ve found her, the perfect one. She’s smart, pretty, super nice, supportive, independent, bright eyes, cute shiny shoulders, beautiful little natural curl at the end of her hair and her family closely co-relates to mine. Is she perfect or what? Before I met her, I was a guy, the guy who lived from day to day, the guy who when the sun rises wished that the sunset quicken its footsteps, a guy with no plans. After I met her, I had plans, I put my almost dead mind to work thinking of stuff to do. I looked forward to this, looked forward to that. The times I spent with her, only two words defines it, truly memorable. I haven't had such colours,lights and fun for a long time and I sincerely hope that more of such times would be in the short, mid and long future.

Since I wrote it here, I know you’ll never see it, but there’s a part of me that really wants you to read this, read it and tell me, tell me…

*Now i know why a car is a good tool and vehicle
*"what's the point? The point is you can't control who you love!"